The 1000 Days Sober Blog

Blog Posts From 1000 Days Sober

Reality


I planned to spend time with my cousin on Friday night; then on Saturday, he would drive me into town to watch Duran Duran.

That Friday night, my cousin opened the Canadian Club, and it fucked me up. The next day, we went to a restaurant for lunch. While they ate, I slept on the back of the car. When we got to the gig, at 9 pm, I waited in line for a single toilet, with people shitting, and shitting, and then I puked some more.

The norm.

Like a stutter, I couldn't stop these moments from happening.

Had you asked me back then, amid puking in bowls of shit, whether I would stop drinking alcohol, I wouldn't have swerved the question - I would have found it utterly laughable. 

Alcohol provided me with more value than most things in life.

Let's say I hadn't been AF shy; I still wouldn't have stood a chance because what you resist, persists. It's an essential piece of black in addiction's coalface. Only you don't see it because our brains think the right way forward if you want to stop drinking, is to resist drinking. 

When I became someone that doesn't drink alcohol, I learned the perceived value didn't exist, and in turn 'alcohol,' and the lies that support the drinking of it became unreal.

Because it no longer fitted into my view of reality, it had no pulse. No defibrillator in the world would breathe life into that belief ever again. I had moved on to a new frontier. I couldn't see the value no matter how hard I tried. The idea that alcohol was this orgasmic panacea that I needed to 'belong' ceased to have energy, and because of that, it {alcohol} vanished.

I looked, and looked, still everything I thought I knew about alcohol had disappeared. 

It ceased to hold its illusory form. 

All I saw was 'possibility'.

All I saw was freedom.

All I saw was a blank canvass.