Blog Posts From 1000 Days Sober
I like New Order, who doesn’t right?
I love 'Blue Monday'.
But it was fucking Friday.
I'd driven for five hours and was beat.
I missed my boy, and I just wanted to fall through the front door, pick him up, squeeze him, and then sit down on the couch with my wife, watching shite on the TV while ignoring each other.
I sat in the car listening to Bernard Sumner singing, "I thought I was mistaken."
There was no mistake.
I had been working away for a week, and now, I was back, and I felt like a stranger, locked in my car, afraid of the person who would meet me once I walked through the door.
Do you ever feel like that?
That's what it was like back then.
The drinking days.
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt as confused as me, but I didn't know how to tell her that I DIDN'T WANT TO DRINK, and at the same time, I didn't even know if I wanted to drink or not.
I was afraid of everything.
I hoped something would change, but I didn't know what, and I sure as shit didn't think I had the power to change anything, but that day was different.
I didn't enjoy THIS anymore.
But what is there if there is no THIS?
That night nothing changed, and everything changed. I got out of the car, walked up to the door, put on my mask, turned the key, walked in, grabbed my bottle of beer and danced to Sumner singing, "I can and shall obey."
But things were changing.
The battle in my mind between the little Monster and my consciousness was in full flow. The drums had begun beating, and they were so fucking loud I couldn't ignore them anymore.
Maybe you’ve heard them yourself?
I had begun to see my relationship with alcohol very differently.
But it would take a few years for me to find the courage to end it.
But in the end, I did.
Let me know if this resonated with you.
I mean, really, let me know.
Please write to me, and while you're at it, let me know what you're struggling with because trust me on this, once you've shared your struggle, the load feels a lot lighter.
PS: If you would like to learn more about the work that I do, and whether that work can help you, then why not book a 15-minute call with me? Here’s the link to register your spot.